went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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