and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
