I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize