Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
