I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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