The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My ATM looks so different sober.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
