i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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