but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
