My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
