i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
