she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
