I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
