i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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