It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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