It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
