Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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