morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
