we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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