Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
