Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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