very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
