Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
