Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
