my vag is so smooth its legendary
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
