We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
