And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
