I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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