The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
