Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
