Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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