He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
