If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
