you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
