great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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