just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
