remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
