dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
