I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
