nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will be naked everywhere
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
