there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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