So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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