I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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