Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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