You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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