A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
