ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize