I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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