Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
