I hate your face
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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