You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
