id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
