dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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