how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
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