Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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