And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
