This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
