kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
