look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
