Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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