3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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