When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
