YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
