Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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