Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize