If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
