i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
