Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
