I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Actions speak louder than pants.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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