I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
