not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
