So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
