My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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